Friday, March 28, 2008

American Journalism

I'm looking for a pro who can give tips/tricks on how to unstick a zipper that has gotten caught on an item of clothing.

I really need to learn to start posting something new but these are just too good to pass up. I could have saved so many pairs of pants and backpacks and body bags if I could have just had these handy tips that I'm sure this profnet will generate.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Peter Shankman--THIS IS WHAT NOT TO DO

Thanks Peter! These are hilarious.

1. QUERY I am looking for Long Islanders 50 and older who are in debt or have been in debt, to interview for a Newsday article.

Answer: My client is a 30-year-old bank executive who can talk about how Americans no longer face debt, given today’s booming economy. Please call me.

2. QUERY As the number of people “pimping their rides,” has increased, so have questions about what is covered in car insurance. I have spoken to many insurers, but now need the other side of the equation.

Answer: My client is the leading used car sales company in Edgewater, New Jersey. Used cars are the wave of the future, given today’s sinking economy. Please call me.

3. QUERY I’m working on a piece for about things to look for in a school system when taking a teaching job.

Answer: My client owns an arts-and-crafts store that caters to teachers. We have exceptional end-of-year sales in March, which your readers may want to take advantage of, given today’s booming economy. Please call me.

4. QUERY I need someone who can discuss credit card basics, such as choosing a card and managing debt.

Answer: My client is the leading manufacturer of ATMs sold to mom-and-pop grocery stores. Did you know that cash is the wave of the future and consumers are opting out of using their credit cards, given today’s sinking economy? Please call me.

5. QUERY I need two experts who can advise parents of tweens and teens about money dilemmas.

Answer: My client owns a baby clothes boutique nestled in the heart of Soho.Parents love her charming designs for infant boys and girls, particularly in today’s booming economy. Please call me.

6. QUERY Is there anyone out there who has had a 401(k) since the 1980s? I’d like to hear from 1-2 people who can talk about they’re glad (orunhappy?) that they’ve been investing in their 401(k) all this time.

Answer: My client runs the largest 80’s-only karaoke club in all of Bayside, Queens. Karaoke is making a comeback, as it is an inexpensive way to spend a fun evening in today’s sinking economy. Please call me.

7. QUERY I am looking for individuals to talk about their experience with government jobs versus “civilian” jobs.

Answer: My client is the President. He’d like to talk to you about today’s booming economy. Please call me.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

American Journalism

PARENTING/TODAY: I Left My 9-Year-Old at Bloomingdale's to Find His Way Home Alone in NYC
My son kept begging for the chance to be "left" somewhere so he could figure out the subway and bus he'd need to make his way home. So on a sunny day two weeks ago, I left him at a Bloomie's perfume counter here in New York, with a MetroCard and $20 for emergencies. Naturally, he made his way, no problem (we live in Manhattan). He was happy, I was happy; but some friends think this was tantamount to child abuse. Since New York City is as safe as it was in 1963, I don't see why we keep our kids penned up as if this is Baghdad. But I'd like to hear your thoughts on whether we baby our kids too much.

Although this is not much of an inquiry (as in what sort of credible experts is this reporter hoping to find with this profnet), it is a fine illustration of excellent parenting. If more parents did this, it would teach their kids self-sufficiency and street smarts in addition to exercise (nothing gets the heart rate going like running from Crackhead Jerry on the corner). Unfortunately, most kids will be learning to navigate the streets while picking up hookers and blowing up cop cars in Grand Theft Auto IV which comes out next month. At least they'll be getting their street smarts from somewhere.

Friday, March 7, 2008

American Journalism

"I need to talk to health care providers on the types of health conditions that may hamper a satisfying sex life in men and women over age 75 or 80+. What steps can be taken to renew their vigor, and increase intimacy?"

I know this is really immature of me to post, but if my boss can get a kick out of googling male enhancement patches then I get to post journalist requests of how to get it on once the walker and cane are bedside.

FYI this picture of G.O.B. from Arrested Development will now be used for every "American Journalism" post because when I think of America, I think of G.O.B. and when I think of Journalism, I think of puppets.

Now back to surfing youtube... what the... why is it blocked all the sudden...

Thursday, March 6, 2008

The Man is Killing the Video Star

Carriage Services, Inc. a Houston funeral-services company, recently discovered that 70 percent of the workers in its 125-person headquarters watched videos on Web sites like Google Inc.'s YouTube and News Corp.'s MySpace for about an hour a day.

"I almost fell out of my chair when I saw how many people were doing it and how much bandwidth those sites sucked up," said Jeff Parker, the company's information-technology admin.

He quickly blocked access to both sites. This is a common practice happening across many businesses in the U.S.

Top 10 Internet video brands viewed at work in the U.S.:
1. YouTube
2. Yahoo
3. Fox Interactive Media
4. MSN/Windows Live
6. CNN Digital
7. Turner Entertainment
8. NBC Universal
9. Disney Online
10. Nickelodeon

(I'd link to these, but I'd rather not have my team wasting time watching videos at work.)

-- LTrain